There are times when the world seems like it has forgotten about you, and in your safest assumptions you are probably correct. What is there really to prove, when you know you feel that you can do anything and all it produces is nothing. You’re just stuck in your disposition and you just don’t seem to know what you are doing anymore. Why can’t it just be, you live and you die. But things are never really that simple, you have to go through the pains and happiness of life. For the average person, they find that the happiness quotient is somewhere in the realm of being above one. But for those whose lives seem to go against the grain, they get to feel the real pain. And by real pain, it is the pain that is not physical but more of a mental toll on one’s existence. Pain within the realm of the physical sense can and will pass, but pain that penetrates all the way down to the core of your being never seem to subside. No matter what a person does, it is always lingering about your life. A person can let time pass and feel that those pains have passed, but know there will always be a trigger to reactivate the agony that one has felt.
Ten Questions – answered… too death!
1. Last seven days of your life, what do you do?
This answer is really dependent upon whether you have accepted the fact that it is the last seven days of your life. There are to possible ways to answer this:
Accepted – for those who have accepted the fact that they only have seven more days, will generally make all their proper arrangements for their life, will spend the majority of their remaining time with their loved ones, and make peace with whatever higher power that they believe in.
Not Accepted – this person will generally do things that are slightly out of the ordinary. Such things are figure a way and means to extend their time, even if just for a mere minute. Most of these people, who have not accepted this fact, will generally alienate themselves from their loved ones. If given the opportunity some might actually make unreasonable deals (i.e. “deal with the devil” type deals) to get an extension on their time. Essentially most people who have not accepted the fact will generally slightly egregious things, until they find some kind of personal closure.
The above listed is simple world renown generalizations, being that I have more than seven days left to my life at this moment in time, I feel that I could not really answer this question whole heartedly. On occasion I am perceived as a reasonable person, so I guess I could say I would react like I accept the fact that I only have seven days left to my life. Yet since most of the time I am unreasonable person I probably would end up doing a lot of crazy and slightly askew things, all the way until the very last second. To list a few things:
- Try to definitely have intimate relations with all the girls that I had a thing for
o Definitely trying to spread my seed (demon seed according to some)
- Can we say extreme stunts
o food (of course this would be tops for extremes)
o acts (such as skydiving, driving 200+mph, etc)
- Make amends with my family and other loved ones
- If I haven’t yet, tell the one, that she is the one.
2. When you were five, what did you want to do when you grew up?
Gosh I remember bits and pieces from that day and age, but to be honest I am in the same position I was then, still not knowing what I actually what I want to do when I grow up. I mean I am somewhat “grown up” right now but the fact of the matter is that I still don’t know what’s going on. And I put great emphasis that I am somewhat grown up.
3. What is love to you?
This is by far one of the greatest questions to ask me, if you’re trying to get to know what kind of person I am. As you will probably already determine that I am a person who isn’t very straight forward and clear (unless the situation becomes more on the dire side, then that’s a whole different story). When I look at this question, these things come into mind:
- What was love to me then?
- What is love to me now?
- What will love be to me in the future
Beginning – if this question was asked to me starting at the beginning of puberty, it would have been a very simple answer…. Love is the booty! I remember all throughout the latter part of the K-12 years, every girl I liked was told “I Love You” in hopes of attaining the booty. That what is was all about for me. I mean I didn’t say “I LUB U”; I was really making them feel like I was in love with them. At this point in time, I didn’t know what it meant to love someone (as far as the true definition goes). I mean don’t get me wrong, I felt deep feelings for a lot of these girl and couldn’t stop thinking about them, but it was more infatuation and the little brain taking control.
Pre-Middle – once those darn rebellious teenage years passed, I started gaining a better understanding of what love is. Yet I still found myself getting sucked into infatuation, I didn’t tell as many girls that I was in love with them when I knew I truly wasn’t, which is a major step up in the emotional ladder that we are all climbing. There was one point that my infatuation blinded me so much to a point, where I actually convinced myself I was in love with a person and when asked about why I was in love? I just couldn’t give an answer. During this time I also experienced what it felt like for someone to be in love with me and have someone’s happiness depend on yours. This actually scared me, for the fact that I held someone’s happiness in my hand and could do with it as I please, and in the end I chose to break that person’s heart.
Middle – at this point, I have a good understanding of the meaning of love. I am I actually stuck in a relationship of unrequited love. Well the fact of the matter is I don’t know if it’s unrequited, I just haven’t brought up the situation in a good long time. I know there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. If someone asked me why I’m in love with her, I could enough answers that might rival some of the ancient sagas. And as far as the girl goes, she is an ocean away and I haven’t talked to her in quite some time, also she goes through guys like fat people go through a buffet. As a funny side note, she is one of my closest friends, she has been there to either help me out or give me shit when I needed (but that was only when I lived within close proximity). But as of now I am somewhat Jaded to the fact of love, because I don’t think I will ever really get to experience it until I change my current situations.
End – I don’t know how things are going to end. Every day is a new future to be lived and the way my future is panning out, it doesn’t look very promising. But there are always rays of sunshine and hoping against all odds that it turns for the better. I just hope in the future, love will be finding someone you would desert everything and everyone that means anything to you, but would never ask you to. Because to me that’s what love should be, but rarely is.
4. Are you happy?
Since these questions aren’t answering to anyone but me, I guess there would be no good reason to lie. The answer is I have been happy, I hope to be happy, and yes currently I am not happy with a lot of the things that life has put on my plate lately. But there are times when I do feel happy, even if moments are but brief.
5. Define your life?
LOST
6. Favorite song- pre-1996?
I have always liked lots of different music, and I just don’t know when some of the older songs came out. But I do prefer rock music where it was pre-1996.
7. What is one place you know you’ll never go?
This is an interesting question since most people will just put an obscure place that they know they could never achieve to arrive. When I look at this question, it just makes me thing of trying to go somewhere during this lifetime and I know that during this lifetime I could probably never make it to Antarctica during the Aurora Borealis. That has always been something that I wanted to experience but I know it will only be as far as the Discovery Channel and IMAX bring me.
8. What is something you know you’ll never have?
I have a warped belief system on how my life is operated; I know that for me nothing is unattainable depending on the circumstances. But there is one thing that I know I’ll never have no matter how much I try, and that is GOOD KARMA. I am one of those people that are destined to always end up screwed. The way I have lived my life and the things that I have done are always and will always come back to bite me. I have just accepted this fact now and learned that when life deals you lemons you say fuck the lemons and do something else.
9. Have you always met expectations?
The best answer to this question is that I have the potential to meet expectations, but you get to a point in your life where no one has any expectations of you and you no longer need to meet expectations. So the answer is a yes and no.
10. What is your BIO-DATA: Name? Age? Birth place? Today’s Date?
- My name is JR
- I am 24 years 7 months 2 weeks 0 days 13 hours 11 minutes 33 seconds Old
o And is increasing with every breathe I take
- Bellevue, WA
- September 27, 2008
