So I really got to thinking about everything that has been going in my life and with all the drama that has been coming up, just makes me wonder if it is all worth the effort (even though at times its half-assed effort, effort none the less).
So I promised that I would delve more into the recent shit that has transpired over the last few weeks.
Well most recently on my mind is the fact that this girl that I was kind of getting serious with (kind of serious does mean a lot in terms of relationships for me)… well her and I are done. So the story goes that I started hanging out with her and we were doing all the initial dating type things, then early in the month of August she told me she won a contest at work for a trip for 2 to go to BORACAY (which in its hay-day used to be a must go destination, but now since the commericiality hit the area it is just so-so, but still definitely nice beaches), at first I was very hesitant (ya I know!) but then I decided against my gut and told her I would definitely like to come along (I just couldn’t really pass up a free vacation). So now I was scheduled to go with her on a trip. Now comes the day that we are heading to boracay and so far no hitches have come up. We go to the airport and are taking pictures and being all so –called “Couplish”, we are taking pictures and I am not worried about work or any other bullshit in my life at the specific moment in time. [time to start breezing through minor details]:
- Landed in boracay, I guess upper management from her work were there and flirting with her and just didn’t like my face and blah blah blah.
- Got to the hotel
- Changed
- Her friend decided to also fly in and she arrived later that afternoon
- We go out and around explore the main beach and some shops.
Now to the interesting area of this story.
So her friend arrives and I find out that she will be staying in our room and what not, I’m ok with it since I don’t have any issues of possible fornication with an audience present. So after exploring most of the afternoon, we finally head back to the hotel and meet up with her friend.
Side info on the friend is that her boyfriend told her not to come on vacation and she came anyways and now they are fighting over the phone and through text message and whatever.
So the girl that I am seeing (she is now michelle) asked me to give her friend (grace) some helpful advice on what she should do about the situation. Being the “good-guy” that I am, I offered up my advice and advice of which I should have never said anything to begin with, because I should of learned my lesson from all previous advice giving experiences, during the conversation with her friend grace we get to talking about being honest to their significant other and all that jazz. I was telling her (since I have been cheated on in the past) that no matter how bad something is, I rather hear the truth out of the WHORES-mouth (yes I know I am bitter) then hear it from someone else and catch her lying, because she kept going on and on that she doesn’t trust him right now to not cheat and vice versa. So we were getting pretty heated in the debate (I like how advice giving became a debate), so we decided to take a break and start drinking. It is now an hour later and I am a good 5 drinks in (tall rum & cokes FTW), so now I am being more literal with my opinion. So the conversation begins to take a turn that I didn’t expect it to, michelle for some reason is getting very emotional and she wasn’t even really participating in the conversation with me and grace, then michelle just stops the whole conversation and starts going on about “so you would want to know the truth, even if it has now barring on the current situation?”. I in turn exclaimed emphatically “YES!” and so she started getting into her recent trip to Thailand (this trip she also won from work and my older brother who used to be a manager at her company was also along with the trip[one of his last free meals from work] and grace was there but that is just an afterthought) and how it was very lonely for her and she hadn’t been with anyone a few years and those reading this probably know where this is headed. So she get into it and she keeps repeating this to me “do you really want to know?” and I tell her of course… she tells me that she slept with my brother on the Thailand trip…….
So boom she drops a bomb like that on me and I react in a totally unconventional way. I was angry and I acted as such. At first because my feelings were still intact, I didn’t blow up and just be like WTF. (at the time this is how I was feeling) I told her I didn’t care and I was glad she told me because I at that point I felt I could trust her even more. But I guess in her mind, she was expecting me to get angry and do everything that follows anger, but I didn’t and so she decided to press the conversation… and by press I mean a complete end-2-end full court press. She kept wanting me to get mad and I just wouldn’t, but I did start to get annoyed and with that I began to drink more and more while still at the hotel. Finally sick of her trying to get the reaction that she wanted out of me, I put it to a vote and we decided to go beach bar hopping.
We begin the beach romp, first bar double of something and michelle keeps pressing the “slept with your brother” conversation, and so I begin to become thoroughly annoyed and start giving her what she wants… I say to “her I know how my brother is and to be honest I am disappointed with you because I thought she was a stronger person not feed into a person’s deceptions” and now she starts to feel bad. I see it in her face that she is starting to feel bad. She then starts to try to explain the situation and tells me the following:
- it was so long since she got the attention of a guy
- how my brother told her that he was single
- really had feeling for her
- saying everything that the majority of guys say when then want to get laid
- she was drunk
- and yada yada
I then retort with a barrage of commentary that would only really come out if I was under the influence and the censorship module in my brain had been turned off, I said:
Me – did you know my brother has 3 kids? And a wifey (not wife since, he has told me he has no plans of getting married anytime soon)
Her- I did know about his kids but he said he was single and that he was with his current baby-mama just for his current kid (because he wants a better relationship with this one, because he doesn’t really see the other 2 anymore).
Me – didn’t you know his reputation at work and how he can be a player
Her – but I felt that it was different for me.
Me – well the thing is I am really disappointed in you since, I felt you were a stronger woman, but your still just a teenage girl. (she is 25 btw)
And then I just decided to stop the conversation and that point and try to enjoy the rest of my night. So me and her kind of stop talk and I start drinking some more. We all then decided to go to the next bar, on the way to the next bar we stop a bbq shack and grub up. At this point I am almost pretty much saying everything on my mind. So while we are sitting there waiting for food, she again starts to press me and I do blow up this time and I am not sure what I exactly said, but the people we are with who also work with her and don’t really know what is going on with me and michelle and starting to feel awkward. I explain that I well enough greased at this point and to excuse my demeanor. And then they start talking about what not, but I am not included, and then a few them look at me… I made a snide remark in the direction of michelle and her being drunk and emotional also let out “I slept with alexis” and everyone just gives me a blank look and I say “nothing has happened with us yet, so no worries” and then the bbq sticks come and I eat dam near all the bbq after that we were all quite and eating bbq.
After the bbq, we get the getting’ and proceed to the next bar. While enroute to the next bar, she takes my hand and apologizes once again, and I don’t really forgive her but tell her she has nothing to apologize to me for, more just to herself if she regrets it sleeping with my brother. After that has been said, she just starts to lose it with the tear and stops and says she wants to go back to the hotel room… I tell her no, forget about it and let’s just go have fun (but in my mind, this is just more vindictiveness on my part), she sucks up her tears and says ok and we proceed to the next bar by tricycle. At the next bar we have a few more drinks and I am well into a state of a stupor. We are only there for a little while and in that short time I manage to start dancing with a couple random girls, girls from my group, then we leave.
Now we are walking along the beach (it’s a good think I was in my trunks) and she grabs a hold of my hand again thinking everything is okay and also to keep me out of the ocean, which is a failed attempt on her end. And are not really talking.
We arrive at the next bar that has a live band with a girl singing with her guitar, we join some more people she knows and I am now just being downright a drunk ass. I remember asking the girl to sing lauren hill and having some really sweet red drink. At this point all I remember is I separated from the group and went to go do my own thing. While doing my own thing, I did the following:
- swam in the ocean
- got myself back to the hotel
- showered and put myself in bed
It is now the next morning (Sunday and we got in Saturday morning). It’s about 7am and I get myself cleaned up and she wakes from her drunkenness and says where are you going, I tell her I have to go downstairs and make a few calls and I will be back. So some of my essentials and head to beach and just sit and relax for a minute.
I get to realizing that I have never and will never settle for my brother’s sloppy seconds, even though I built something with this girl that could be tangible. After that realization, I proceed to plan my exodus and leave on the first flight out the next morning. So I go grab some breakfast by myself and run into the people she works with, but I make no acknowledgements… and then see them talking about me at other far away tables (I knew I was a topic, because they kept just looking at me and wondering why no michelle). After I get done with breakfast and start to head back to the room, I end up running into michelle and grace and tell them I don’t feel well and am going to back to the room and sleep it off some more. They get back to the room and want me to come with them to the other side of the island and I decided I didn’t want to go. And they leave for what tripping they decide to go on. I go back to sleep and when I wake up I put the final wheel in motion to make my exit the following morning, booking myself back to manila, wake up calls, packing and so on and so forth. Then I decide to do my own beach thing and I walk the entire white beach of boracay from end to end, enjoy some Jonah’s shakes and their amazing tacos, took pictures, and just enjoyed the time by myself.
Now to keep the story short, I get a call that they are back. When I get back grace is leaving to meet her boyfriend who she made up with, michelle is sad that I didn’t go with her, I get another nap in, we go to their company dinner (I play nice and eat hella king prawns), head back to the room and feel awkward being by ourselves, I decide it time for a night swim in the pool (at the pool I told her we could maybe be friends, but wherever our more intimate related relationship was headed is now over), go back to the room and feel awkward again, we dink around, her friend’s girlfriend comes over and then we go for a night walk on the beach, I swim in the ocean, then we head to the room and clean up and then I go to bed. In the morning I pack up my stuff and then me and her have a very quite breakfast and then I bounce.
To be honest I didn’t even know if I was going to write this on here, but I am glad I did since this is only place I can vent without scrutiny that will really affect my life in the real world.
Because wordpress is all fairies and ice cream.
Ok done for today.
p.s. complete sike out on wanting to remember this trip.
