3.23.8
So why is it so hard to make new friends… Especially when your a guy… Ever since i moved from seattle i have only really made 1 close friend.
since moving to the PI my closest friend is my brother and i refrain to say brothers. Because my other brother has ceased to remember the other members of family. I mean he was one of my friends when i first came out here, but now i guess i wore out my welcome with him. I guess for the fact of me being poor, well not really but in all actuallity yes i am currently living in a state of being unable to use my current set of funds to do as i please…
i know this is a constant repetitiveness to the flow of my bloggishness… (wow to -ness words in one sentence) also i am still in search of a girl that can fill the void. I mean there is one girl that i still think about, but she is literally an ocean away and i know she would never consider me in that manner. I think that the fact that she still holds a part of my heart and that there is hope for me when i turn 35, that all the girls i meet can’t seem to hold my interest longer than a few minutes (gross exaggeration). Also i think for the fact of the matter is that most of the girls i meet are in the field that would be considered in the states as a stripper. How hard is it really to meet a nice girl that has a regular job and comes from a nice upper middle class family. Yet there are too many different extremes here in the PI, and to many “clicks”… As far as my concern is, i personally fit into to many different groups, yet only fit in @ about a 55%, so still not quite passing.
this week is Holy Week here, and everything seems to shut down starting wednesday and doesn’t resume until after easter. I have done completely nothing to be productive in any aspect of my life. Every night i have gone out for the sake of just leaving the homestead. I met a new girl yet she is from that afformentioned group above. And though there might have been great initial potential, she proved to be very stereo-typical of her group(as an addendum she is very very pretty for her group).
the PI has stolen a large percentage of my extrovertedness* (that has an asterisk next to it because that completely changes when it comes down to me and alcohol deciding that we need a slightly closer relationship). I feel that i am stalker-esk, when it comes to looking for girls outside of the group above. Because i find myself staring harder than any normal person should. But enough about that.
i would seriously like to get into truly developing my memoirs and not constantly writitng about the same things over and over and over and over again. I really devoted to retracing my childhood, my adoloscent (which i believe i am still stuck in) and even my forray in to this thing called adulthood(but is very hard when you take into account that i have not quite completely jumped into being an adult, for as an adult there are definitely less safety nets).
everytime i try to remember my childhood, i find myself not able to visualize it as it was. I think it is because of my current situation with my parents and me not wanting to relive the dark moments of my life just for the chance of being able to live lighter side of my life. But as the saying goes, you can only become stronger from the things you have experienced and also you only learn from mistakes that you experience. Because i sure as hell have not learned from any experience that other i know have told me about, because i know i have repeated,mistakes that others have made.
and with this long pause, i have lost my writing momentum.
so i guess to be continued……….
3.15.8 later
If i complain then i get in trouble… What the fuck is that bullshit… I want to leave right now… This sucks.
i always what will happen to people around me if i were to just leave and disappear off the map…
i wonder if i could survive on my own. I have never really had to be self-sufficient… I cant wait to get home and just vegitate.
as soon as i get some money to live in some remote place, i am gonna dedicate atleast 2 days a week to just being by myself and away from complete contact of the world. Just me and my tv and a whole lot of nothing.
i am not going out tonite.. I dont care what he says to me, i am staying home. I am going to have him look for my fast and the furious 3 and then i am going to just lay down and watch me some good old tv and not worry about a thing in this world.
i mean i care about my family, but does caring really mean you have to hang around each other all the time. I mean my other brother alexis has the ability to be on his own. But i guess its one thing to be on your own and then to drop all contact with your family. I am not really looking to drop all contact with my family… Just maybe take a break from them every once and awhile. I mean does that make me a bad person for thinking that way… I sure don’t think so… But you could ask any other person and they would tell you otherwise. This is a conundrum that i am stuck…
i guess people could look at my life and see me as a person who need not complain. I have talked about this time and time again. I guess i get this from my parents of being completely like a broken record…. Ever since i could remember, when it comes to journalling my life, i repeat myself every few hundred entries, whether it be online or on paper. You think i would have something new to say after all this writing. My hopes for writing my memoirs will draw no one to be interested.
in other news – i am still very very bored. And its a good thing that we are going home now. I am the anti-social demon.
3.15.8 earlier
So i missed a go dumb wednesday… Work has been really captivating, i really excited for when my company finally gets a project green lighted.
lately i havent really been stressing anything. Which is a good change of pace for me . I am usually sweating hella little stuff which i shouldn’t even be worried about.
i am currently in the process of wanting to upgrade my phone once again. Hopefully in a week or so i can get my new nokia e90, i am happy with my current phone but if i have the opportunity to upgrade then why not… Its so funny how phones are extreme status icons here in the PI… Just cant help but love the saucey factor when you get a phone that is just retarded in cost with out shelling out the cash.
i need to get in the flow of also getting ready for school. I plan on going to san beda law school starting in june. I havent really made any efforts to enroll or get more info on how to enroll.
right now it is very very very hot… I am sitting here in bataan right and i am on fire… I really cant function right now. I had a thought in my head and it completely just left me…
i miss my adopted fam back in seattle… It really sucks when you lose touch with your friends… Its nots like i dont know people… But almost all the people i know out here couldn’t really be considered friend friends… Just more aquaintances…
dam i am all over the place right now.
i hate being sick… And i hate sitting here in the heat. What the heck… I really want to go home right now… This blows… Wtf.
okay whatever i am just talking out of my ass right now. I am just done.
fin.
2.23.8 ‘unfinished’
Bored again
what happens when your at the will of life and lose complete control of your own direction?
what do you do to make things work?
i find that my life has
